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Well, it's Sunday.

I guess the only way I can explain my terror of it is to say this -

My whole pregnancy up to this point has been fabulous. No complications. No gestational diabetes, no vomiting, no PUPPP, no ordered bed rest, I'm Strep B Negative, etc. etc. etc. In fact, I've been so healthy/fortunate my entire life, I've NEVER been hospitalized besides outpatient/next day surgery.

I've had every reason to believe for the past 10 months that I'd be able to have a great birthing experience -

That I'd sit at home comfortably for the first several hours, waiting until my cervix dilates/I enter at least the 2nd stage of labor - before I went into the hospital. That my labor might go well enough that I could avoid the pictocin, the pain-killers and the epidural by using natural methods of pain relief and relaxation techniques I've been practicing (including being mobile/sitting/standing/walking/etc.). That I wouldn't have to face a possible c-section because of my body. That I wouldn't have to drug up my baby in order to have him. That I could hold and breastfeed him immediately after delivery.

And I've had every reason to fear exactly what I'm going through now - an unripe cervix trying to be forced, using synthetic hormones, to ripen and dilate - which I've only heard leads to a LOOOOOONG labor and greater risk of complications (and I have a horror story straight from my sister-in-law that mirrors exactly this, except her baby was 4 weeks early and much smaller).

I haven't heard enough stories to allay my fears about women who've started with little or no dilation at 42 weeks, been put on pictocin, and went on to have a great or even an ok labor. I've read about studies on using Cervidil to ripen the cervix, and it seems that it works most of the time, and a lot of the time it actually even starts labor. I can only hope that happens to me before they start the Pictocin - but I tend to think the worst.

On the whole, I'm exhausted of thinking about it. It seems that I have to go through about a 2-day insanity process before I get to feeling ok again - which is where I'm at today. I'm feeling better about the Cervidil, and am hoping it works wonders for me, because everything else I've tried (which is everything besides accupressure, accupuncture and castor oil) just aren't doing anything to get my body more in the mood.

So today - I'm going out - trying to keep my mind off it and get a few things done, on the assumption that nothing's going to happen until Monday night.



( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
May. 5th, 2008 02:34 am (UTC)
Relax relax relaaaaax>_
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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